


things have gotten closer to the sun

by jrjkim



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: F/F, jennie is kind of a dumb sad asshole here please excuse her
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-10
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-14 12:50:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20192590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jrjkim/pseuds/jrjkim
Summary: She paces the rooftop during those nights, wishing to be swallowed up by New York and to never be spat back out. She smokes until she feels lightheaded, until she feels like throwing up, until her hands are too numb to make unwanted phone calls to girls in townhouses.or, an upper east side au no one asked for





	things have gotten closer to the sun

**Author's Note:**

> okay so. this is an upper east side au, or like, an approximation of it. i've adopted some classic gossip girl tropes and elements here, so some scenes and storylines might be familiar if you watch the show lol. also, 90% of everything i know about new york, i learned from gossip girl, sex and the city, and nick and norah's infinite playlist so please excuse me for any inaccuracies lmfao.
> 
> title from crystalised by the xx

Lisa finds her on the rooftop of her family’s penthouse apartment building on the night of the Park’s annual charity ball, arms draped over the rooftop ledge and staring at the New York skyline.

“Thought I’d find you here,” Lisa calls out and Jennie doesn’t look at her but she feels Lisa behind her a few seconds later, strong fingers on the exposed sides of her dress. Jennie leans back automatically, seeking Lisa’s warmth and she hates herself for it. Hates herself for getting used to it, for looking for it more than she should.

“Missed you,” Lisa says again when she doesn’t get any reply. She places a light kiss on her neck and Jennie shivers, turning around to wrap her arms around Lisa’s shoulder. She scratches lightly on Lisa’s nape, loving the little gasp she elicits out of her. 

Jennie closes the gap between them and kisses Lisa in response, languid and slow, but eager. 

“Mom won’t be home for another two hours, max,” Jennie says when she pulls away, hands now on Lisa’s waist. “The penthouse is empty.”

Lisa smiles, her fingers twirling a stray lock of Jennie’s hair, and it’s so perfect, she’s so perfect, she’s everything Jennie doesn’t deserve. “Let’s go then.”

.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come down with me?” Lisa asks more than half an hour later, back turned to Jennie and rearranging her hair so it doesn’t look so sex-mussed. Jennie thinks it’s a losing effort - Lisa’s make-up is all but completely ruined and there’s a hickey just below her collarbone, visible in her low-cut Givenchy dress. Jennie’s not even sorry for it. “It’ll make this night more bearable. I can’t watch Jungkook and Chaeyoung make moon-eyes at each other all night, I’m literally going to puke.”

Jennie shakes her head and reaches for the lacrosse sweater at the end of her bed, the one she stole from Taehyung back in freshman year. “You’ll live, it’s almost over anyway,” she answers as she puts the sweater on. She pulls the covers up her bare legs and rubs her cold feet against each other. “And I’m tired.”

“But the Upper East Side wants to see its prodigal golden girl,” Lisa says, smiling at her cheekily through the mirror.

“The prodigal golden girl doesn’t give a fuck,” Jennie responds, rolling her eyes and settling back down in her bed. The people in there were the ones who feasted on the gossip that surrounded her mother and her for the better part of last year, part of the reason why she holed herself up in a London boarding school and left New York for a while. She’s not in the mood to be her usual, fake smiling self - it’s tiring and she’s sick of it.

She wonders how her mom could do it, she wonders how anyone here could do it when everything about the Upper East Side is cruel and mean, superficial and fake. It’s what she’s known all her life, it’s what she probably is, no matter how much she’s tried to separate herself from it lately.

Lisa laughs, unaware of Jennie’s inner musings, and walks back over to the bed, sitting on the space next to her. She takes the older girl’s hand and squeezes it once, and Jennie increasingly feels like this might be the only real thing here, _she_ might be the only real thing here. 

“Fine, if you really don’t want to. I was just thinking we could...” she shrugs. Jennie would like to think she knows Lisa well enough to know when she’s trying too hard to be casual. 

A pause as they stare at each other. Jennie wants to press her for it, wants to ask her to just stay. She knows Lisa is waiting for her to. 

“You know what, never mind,” Lisa says when Jennie doesn’t speak. She doesn’t miss the way Lisa’s shoulders fall a little. “I’ll see you?”

Jennie nods, her words and her guilt lodged in her throat.

Lisa pecks her lips and tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. “I was going to give you something, by the way,” she says and Jennie frowns. Lisa squeezes her hand again to reassure her, then reaches for her clutch on the floor. She takes out a small Tiffany box, and something in Jennie flushes with pleasure mixed with trepidation. 

“Lisa...”

“Don’t freak out, please,” Lisa opens the box, revealing a thin, white gold ring. “I’m not proposing or something silly like that, we’re like high school juniors. And I’m not suggesting anything either, I know what we...” she pauses, her eyebrows knitting.

The insecurity that flashes in her eyes makes Jennie hate herself just a little bit more.

“Anyway, I just thought it’d look pretty on you.”

Jennie traces the outline of the ring reverently with her index finger then looks at Lisa. “I can’t.”

Lisa smiles, taking the ring out of the box. “You can,” she says gently as she puts the ring on Jennie’s finger. A satisfied look crosses her face when she sees how well it fits. “See? It’s even more beautiful on you.”

She wants to say _‘please stay, I might be falling in love with you.’_ She says thank you instead. It’s enough for now.

Another kiss on her lips. Jennie doesn’t miss the way their hands are still clasped together. “You’re welcome. Happy birthday, Jennie.”

.

Jennie remembers the night it all started, almost three months ago at Krystal Jung’s birthday-slash-Halloween party - Jennie’s first one since coming back from London.

It’s mostly vague snapshots she remembers, but she remembers all the same.

She remembers the mask she slapped on her face the last minute. The bright blue cocktails. The way she almost burned her thumb from the blunt Taehyung passed her. Everyone either half-naked or in Halloween costumes.

Mino and Jinwoo trying to talk her into seeing the opening home game of the Nets with them. Jisoo (dressed as Spider Gwen and still refusing to talk to her) with Irene on her lap.

Jungkook and Chaeyoung, voices hush but tense, talking in a corner. The strawberry lemon birthday cake. A whole bunch of drunk and high teenagers singing happy birthday offkey.

A shot of Patron in the kitchen alone. The burn of the alcohol in her throat. Lisa coming in and taking the shot glass from her with soft, gentle hands. Lisa telling her she’s avoiding Jungkook and Chaeyoung. Jennie telling her she’s avoiding everyone.

Them, swimming in the pool to sober up. Her, telling a dirty joke and Lisa laughing and splashing water at her. The purple lights on the water shining an eerie, ethereal glow on Lisa’s face.

Lisa kissing her. Jennie kissing back.

Lisa pulling her towards the pool house. Her _‘are you sure?’_ when Lisa puts her hands on the straps of her bikini. Lisa saying yes and kissing her again, harder this time.

The taste of chlorine on Lisa’s skin. The taste of tequila and Halloween candy on her tongue. The almost-bruising dig of her fingers on her hips. Her breath trailing down Jennie’s neck and chest.

The way she said:

_‘Is this okay?’_

_‘Am I doing it right?’_

_‘Jennie’_

_‘Jenniejenniejennie’_

Lisa falling apart against her and around her. Them falling apart together. Lisa tracing the birthmark on her back when she thought Jennie fell asleep.

Jennie waking up alone. Telling herself it didn’t matter, that it was just another hook-up. Taking a cab home and having brunch with her mother. Perfect posture, gleaming smile, the bloodshot eyes her mother pretends not to notice. The Bloody Mary to drown out both the headache and the unsettling feeling in her chest.

Them ignoring each other at school. Lisa coming to the penthouse two weeks later to apologize. Her kissing Jennie again. Jennie taking off her blazer and leading them to her room.

Them kissing in an empty school stairwell the next day, agreeing to meet again after class.

The weeks after that. Hooking up in a hotel room after the winter formal. Chaeyoung almost catching them in the third floor girl’s restroom. Carpet burns on Jennie’s knees. Jennie giving her a sweater for Christmas. Kuma growing fond of Lisa. Secret kisses to ring in the new year. Watching the fireworks together, their pinkies touching.

Lisa ruining her plans of not getting involved with anyone.

Jennie almost hates her for it.

.

She’s dressed for a night out - little black dress, heels, impeccable make-up, hair perfect. She and Taehyung are heading downtown to check out his friend’s speakeasy. He promised her his friend won’t card them.

She’s on the elevator and on her way down, checking her bag for her wallet and wondering if she’ll look tacky chauffeured to a speakeasy by a limo when her phone buzzes with a text from Lisa.

** _Lisa, 9:39 pm_ **  
_‘Can I see you?’_

Jennie frowns. Lisa never really texts her like this.

_‘I’m on my way to meet Taehyung,’_ she types out as a reply. _'Where are you?'_

__**Lisa, 9:42 pm**  
_‘Central Park’_  
_‘I think I’m near the ramble’_

Jennie checks the weather. It’s three degrees outside. Her frown deepens. 

“Kenneth,” she calls out to their long-time family driver as she comes out of the building, pulling her coat closer to her body. “Change of plans, we’re going to Central Park. I have to pick someone up.”

Kenneth smiles at her, nodding his head and opening the limo door for her. “Sure, ma’am.”

.

She finds Lisa on a bench, shoulders hunched and shaking a little.

“Jesus,” Jennie exclaims as she rushes to take off her coat. She pulls the younger girl up and drapes the coat over her, then rubs her hands up and down her sides in an attempt to warm her up. “You’re freezing.”

Lisa just stares at her, eyes wide and looking confused, as if not believing that Jennie actually came.

“I’m sorry for making you come all the way here, I’m probably making you late,” she mutters, her voice thin. “I was just... You can just drop me off at Bambam’s, I’ll take it from there.”

Jennie shakes her head and takes one of Lisa’s cold hands, covering it with her own. “You’re coming with me.”

“You have plans,” Lisa frowns.

“You’re coming with me to the penthouse,” Jennie insists with finality. “Don’t worry about my plans, Taehyung and I were just going drinking anyway.”

He’s going to get grumpy if she cancels, but whatever. This is more important. 

Lisa nods her head and lets Jennie lead them out of the park.

.

Lisa starts kissing her neck in the limo, hand on Jennie’s knee and quickly traveling up her thighs.

“Lisa.”

“Need you, please,” Lisa mumbles against her ears, her cool lips making Jennie gasp. She looks to make sure the partition is up then maneuvers Lisa so she’s on her lap. “Please.”

She pushes against Lisa’s chest lightly so the other girl would look at her.

“What do you need?”

_‘Are you okay? What can I do? How can I help?’_

“Please, I...” 

_‘I need you to make me feel better,’_ Lisa seems to tell her.

“Okay,” Jennie says, sweeping Lisa’s hair so it’s behind her shoulders. “But you’re going to have to be quiet.”

Lisa nods and tilts Jennie’s chin up so she can kiss her, letting out a little hiss when a hand disappears inside her dress and starts toying with the hem of her underwear. “I can do that.”

They get stuck in traffic. Jennie makes her come twice and Lisa trembles against her, breath hot on her neck, barely making a sound.

They stay like that for a while, with Lisa slumped against her and with Jennie rubbing her back comfortingly, until Kenneth knocks on the heavily-tinted windows, politely telling them they’re home.

.

“They’re getting a divorce,” Lisa says later, her back turned to Jennie. They’re in the older girl’s bed, still in their dresses, a foot of space between them. It’s almost midnight and the lights in Jennie’s room are dim. Jennie’s spent the last hour half-listening to the music softly playing from her speaker, half-wanting to reach out and run her index finger across the little hairs on Lisa’s back. “Mom and dad.”

“I’m...” Jennie starts. Half of her classmates’ parents are divorced but what does she, the daughter of a single mom and the bastard of a politician, actually know about it? “I’m sorry, Lisa.”

“You know, it’s not actually a surprise,” Lisa continues, still not turning around to face Jennie. “They’ve been fighting since last year. Big fights, fights that even I can’t stop.”

She pauses.

“I’ve barely seen dad since the beginning of the year. When he’s at home they just fight,” Lisa says, ignoring Jennie. “Or ignore each other. I don’t know which is worse, because they used to be...”

She hears a pained, sharp intake of breath. “They used to be so in love, Jennie.”

This time, Jennie actually reaches out and puts a warm palm against Lisa’s shoulder blade. “Lisa.”

“You know I was the one who persuaded them to go to Bangkok last summer? It was the place where they met, I thought maybe they could work things out there. Get reminded of why they fell in love. Get away from this place. But it didn’t work, I couldn’t... I couldn’t keep them together.”

“That’s not your fault, Lisa,” Jennie says fiercely, and she turns Lisa around to face her. Jennie’s heart breaks at how lost Lisa looks. “We’re teenagers, for fuck’s sake. It’s not our responsibility to keep our parents together. To keep their shit together for them. It’s not our responsibility to make them stay or make sure they don’t walk out on us or on each other... or... or... make sure they still love us.”

Lisa takes Jennie’s face in her hands, looking at her like she’s trying to figure her out, like she’s trying to tell her something. “Why do people fall in love with each other then fall out of love just like that?”

Jennie smiles sadly, closing her eyes at the feel of Lisa’s thumb caressing her cheek. “I don’t know, Lisa.”

“It’s not your fault too, you know,” Lisa says quietly after a few minutes of silence, her thumbs brushing insistently against Jennie’s cheeks as if trying to make her believe her words. “Your dad.”

Jennie opens her eyes. She wants to tell Lisa that her own father is ashamed of her, that he had an affair with her mom and bailed when he got her pregnant, that he’s barely talked to her since the media exposed him as her father last year, that he’s never introduced her to his other daughter.

(Jennie’s throat tightens at the thought of a girl who she will probably never know. She wants to tell Lisa that some nights, she’s kept up with thoughts of how fucked up she must be that her own dad can’t even introduce her to her twelve-year old little sister).

She doesn’t tell her though. She smiles, her muscles straining at the effort. “I know that.”

They both know she doesn’t, but Lisa pretends to believe her.

.

They sit together in the library most days during study period, a pack of gummy bears or sour spaghettinis between them. Lisa steals Jennie’s favorite Burberry scarf when it gets too cold, and Jennie pretends it annoys her.

They mostly study - Jennie helps Lisa with French and Literature, Lisa helps her with Chemistry and her Economics paper. They trade notes on Calculus and Jennie gives Lisa shit for her terrible handwriting. Lisa shows Jennie her portfolio for her Photography class, blushing when Jennie tells her it’s beautiful.

Sometimes they talk too, their voices low and feet knocking together absently under the table.

About their parents. About Chaeyoung still trying to talk to Lisa. About Jisoo not completely ignoring Jennie anymore. Taehyung’s parties and who hooked up with whom. The things Jennie missed when she was away for boarding school. About college plans, even.

(Lisa wants to stay in the city and go to Tisch to take up both Photography and Dancing. Jennie has always had her eyes on Yale).

Never about the two of them and what they mean to each other though. Never that.

Jennie can tell Lisa wants to bring it up, but she can’t find it in her to prod Lisa or even bring it up herself.

She’s scared Lisa won’t feel the same way and end it. 

She’s scared of telling Lisa that she wants more but she’s terrified it won’t work because when had she ever made things work? When has she ever _not_ ruined things and pushed people away?

And what if Lisa actually feels the same? Why is that infinitely more terrifying than her rejecting Jennie?

So she doesn’t bring it up and it’s okay, everything is okay, even if they’re practically drowning in everything they choose to leave unsaid and unacknowledged.

It’s fine.

.

“Jungkook cornered me before class,” Lisa tells her one afternoon.

Jennie looks up from her US History homework and arches an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Lisa nods, tapping her fingers on her copy of Wide Sargasso Sea. It’s what she does when she’s nervous, Jennie has noticed. “He... he wants to talk.”

Jennie makes sure to keep her face neutral, but she clutches her pen tighter under the desk. “Does he now?”

“Yeah, he asked me to meet up with him this Saturday.”

“And what did you tell him?”

Lisa shrugs. “I told him I’ll think about it.”

Jennie nods and averts her eyes, going back to her homework.

“What do you think?” Lisa asks quietly a little later. “About me talking to him?”

Jennie looks up again from the homework she’s pretending to answer and levels Lisa with a stare. 

_‘Don’t do it,’_ she wants to tell her. _I’ll take you upstate this weekend, let’s go hot air ballooning since you told me last week you’ve been dying to go.’_

“I think that he cheated on you with your best friend while you were in Bangkok trying to keep your family together,” she answers instead, her voice even. “But it shouldn’t matter what I think. I’m not your mom or... or whatever.”

“Right,” Lisa says, face blank. “Not my mom or whatever.”

Lisa sighs when Jennie doesn’t say anything else and starts packing her stuff up. “I’m running late for Psych,” she tells her, barely looking her in the eyes. “I’ll see you.”

It’s twenty minutes until the next period. 

Jennie lets her go.

.

They do end up going upstate that weekend.

Lisa and Bambam meet her and Taehyung at Veselka for Friday night dinner. Lisa is a little quiet but gorges on pierogi and Ukranian meatballs, kicking Jennie on the shin when the older girl laughs at her. They’re sharing an apple crumb cake for dessert and the two boys are out smoking when Lisa mentions that her dad has moved out.

Jennie reaches across the table and puts a hand on top of Lisa’s. “I’m sorry.”

Lisa shrugs sadly, as she takes the last forkful of the cake. “It’s whatever. They’re getting divorced, it’s not like I expected them to actually stay together under one roof. And he hasn’t been home much the past few months, I’m pretty used to it.”

Jennie feels heavy at the devastated expression on Lisa’s face and she makes a quick decision.

“Do you wanna go upstate tomorrow? We can ride those hot air balloons you’ve been wanting to go to,” she asks, rubbing Lisa’s knuckles. “If you don’t have plans with Jungkook, that is.”

Lisa looks up. “You serious? I can talk to him some other time, it’s not like it’s urgent.”

Jennie grins, loving the way Lisa’s eyes come alive. “Yeah. I’ll drive. We’ll take the Range Rover. Or the limo, if you prefer,” she teases.

Lisa blushes and kicks Jennie on the shin again. “Don’t be a pig.”

“Ouch, I’m just kidding. You kick like a fucking mule, you know that?” Jennie groans, rubbing her shin and making Lisa chuckle. 

“So you’ll go hot air ballooning with me tomorrow?”

Lisa smiles, all sincere and beautiful, and slips her fingers between Jennie’s. “Yeah, I’d love to.”

.

Jennie buys them pastries and coffee from Sant Ambroeus and drives them to Queensbury early in the morning. Lisa feeds her sour spaghettinis on the drive and puts her feet on the dashboard, giggling and ignoring Jennie’s half-hearted attempts to make her put them down. She talks Jennie’s ear off about her new (and very expensive) camera, which she calls an _‘I’m sorry I divorced your dad’_ gift from her mom.

She’s even brighter when they get to the actual hot air balloon, babbling about the sights and excitedly taking pictures of the view and Jennie. It’s beautiful watching her - so smiley, so happy, so light.

Jennie takes out her phone and snaps a picture of her - eyes on the mountains, camera on her hands, her dark blonde hair looking like a halo under the sun. She wants to remember Lisa like this forever.

.

Lisa drives them back to the city because Jennie got a little nauseous in the air.

It’s quieter on the way home. Lisa holds her hand, rubbing the ring she gave Jennie absently and humming along to Jennie’s playlist as she drives. Jennie leans her head back on the window and stares at her, bursting at the seams with something warm and foreign, the things she doesn’t think she’s good or brave enough to say threatening to spill out of her mouth.

So she closes her eyes to calm herself down and lets Lisa’s voice lull her to sleep.

She wakes up to Lisa’s fingers combing through her hair.

“Hey,” Lisa whispers, trying not to jar Jennie into wakefulness. Jennie’s stomach flips pleasantly at the small, gentle smile on her face. “We’re home.”

Jennie reaches out and puts a palm against Lisa’s cheek. Lisa leans into it, her smile widening. “Yeah, we are.”

.

Thursday night.

Jackson Wang’s place is packed with almost the entirety of their class. It’s the first day of spring break, just a few days before Lisa’s birthday, and the juniors have decided to congregate at the Wang’s manor before most of them travel abroad or out of state for the ten-day break.

Jennie’s on the sofa, nursing her first glass of whiskey sour and watching a tipsy Sana Minatozaki perform card tricks when she sees Lisa come in with a smiling Jungkook trailing behind her.

She watches them head for the kitchen, watches Jungkook’s hand reach for Lisa’s hips, and something hot and seething stirs in Jennie’s chest. Did Lisa get back together with him? 

Why didn’t she tell Jennie anything?

Taehyung suddenly appears beside her, nudging her arm. “We’re doing shots by the pool, Jen. Wanna join us?”

Jennie looks towards the direction of the kitchen again. Her chest is still hot, roiling with something ugly.

“Yeah, sure.”

.

She’s not sure how it happens.

One minute she’s by the pool downing shots with Taehyung and the others, the next she’s in Jack’s guest bedroom, making out with Nayeon.

As in Im Nayeon, the first girl, the first _anyone_ she’s ever slept with.

(It happened in London. Nayeon tagged along with her dad for a business trip and called Jennie to the hotel they were staying at to catch up over some room service food. She looked so pretty and Jennie kissed her halfway through some shitty reality show and one thing led to another).

She’s not even that drunk, maybe just a little buzzed from three Goldschläger shots, but she lets Nayeon kiss her and lead her upstairs, pretending not to see Taehyung’s disappointed _‘what the fuck are you doing’_ look.

Lisa’s back together with Jungkook and Jennie doesn’t care. Why should she? She’s Jennie Kim, she doesn’t care, look at her with another girl in her arms, she doesn’t care.

She doesn’t care about how absolutely wrong this all feels, about the guilt slowly but surely starting to build up inside her the deeper Nayeon’s kisses get, about Jungkook and Lisa probably downstairs, having fun on their first party back together and about -

The door to the guest room opens.

She hears a soft, surprised gasp and then, “Jennie?”

Jennie pushes Nayeon off of her at the familiar voice calling her name, and _fuck_ this is wrong, this is bad, what did she do?

It’s Lisa standing by the door frame, looking at them with wide, hurt eyes.

She lets out a sound that sounds like a laugh and a whimper and something in Jennie breaks. “Lisa...”

“I should’ve known,” she says, shaking her head. “I’m such a fucking idiot.”

And then she turns around and leaves and Jennie is too stunned to do something about it.

She lets out a shaky breath. _Fuck._ “I should - ”

“Go after her, yes,” Nayeon says as she puts her jacket back on. “I didn’t know, I’m sorry. Go.”

Jennie runs after her.

.

She finds Lisa in the backyard.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” Lisa asks venomously, her eyes flashing in anger when she sees Jennie. “I don’t want to see you.”

“You don’t get to be mad at me. You’re not my girlfriend,” Jennie tells her and she knows immediately it’s a stupid thing to say. 

Lisa chuckles sadly. “You’re right, I’m not. We’re not girlfriends, we’re just acquaintances turned friends who occassionally fuck, right?” She presses the heels of her palms against her eyes and Jennie fights the instinct to reach out for her. 

“I saw you and Jungkook.”

“We just talked, if you would’ve just asked me you would know that. We’re not back together,” Lisa says angrily. “But you know what, maybe I should have gotten back together with him because this is exhausting, Jennie. I’m so tired.”

“He’s in love with your best friend, Lisa. He’s in love with Roseanne more than he was ever in love with you,” Jennie interjects. “Everyone knows that, even you.”

“At least he wants me! He wants me, Jennie.”

“He wants you because he can’t have her!”

“He still wants me!” Lisa snaps, stepping closer to her and poking herself in the chest. “He still wants me, he’s willing to try for us, for _me,_ which is more than I can say for you.”

That’s the biggest, most laughable load of bullshit Jennie has heard in her life because she has everything she could ever need in life, but it’s only Lisa she wants. It’s only ever Lisa she wants lately and _fuck,_ why can’t she just tell her that?

“Did I just make everything up in my head, J? Is that it?” Lisa asks when Jennie doesn’t respond. Jennie clenches her jaw and looks away. “Just tell me. Please tell me so I can stop pretending that you... just tell me.”

_‘You didn’t, it’s real, it’s all real, it’s the only real thing here, it’s the only real thing I’ll ever know, I’m sorry.’_

Jennie steps back and nods her head. “Maybe you did.” The lie feels so sharp and bitter on her mouth, she’s sure she’ll taste it for months.

Lisa takes a step back too, the absolute look of heartbreak on her face tearing at Jennie completely. “God, I thought we were getting somewhere. I really did,” she exhales harshly. “You’re a fucking coward, Jennie Kim.”

And then she walks away.

.

She wakes in a strangely familiar bed, in clothes that aren’t hers and with her head feeling like it’s being tag-teamed by two sledgehammers. She puts her forearm over her eyes and groans, staying still as not to slosh the contents of her stomach.

“Good morning,” someone greets her, voice very, very familiar and _oh no._

Jennie opens her eyes, sitting up from the bed and _oh god_ she’s going to puke.

Kim Jisoo stands in the door frame, expression carefully neutral and her arms over her chest.

“What am I doing here?” she croaks out. The last thing she remembers was taking a one-thirds full handle of Grey Goose from Jackson’s freezer and going to the balcony of the guest bedroom, drinking until her eyes hurt. Did she pass out?

“You passed out on the balcony,” Jisoo replies, seemingly reading her mind. “Jack found you and called me. I couldn’t find Taehyung so I just took you home.”

“Um, thank you.”

Jisoo shrugs, face still impassive. “You’re welcome.”

Jennie sighs and shifts on the bed. “Look, Jisoo. I’m sorry.”

_Sorry for not telling you I was leaving, for not calling you for months, for not coming home when you needed me, for being a terrible fucking friend, you deserve better, you all deserve better._

“It’s no problem, it’s not as if I haven’t taken you home drunk before.”

“No, it’s not that. It’s - ”

Jisoo’s face hardens. “We’re not talking about how much of a bitch you are when your blood’s 90% vodka. Throw up and brush your teeth then go down for lunch after. Mom’s waiting for us downstairs. We can talk later.”

Jennie can only nod, watching stupidly as Jisoo turns to leave.

.

Jisoo yells at her for an hour and calls her a selfish, insensitive bitch. Jennie cries and apologizes. Jisoo cries and Jennie cries harder because Jisoo hates crying. 

They both feel better after though and take Dalgom to the park and Jennie dodges Jisoo’s questions about Lisa.

“I know we didn’t talk for a year but I have ears and eyes, Jennie,” Jisoo tells her, rolling her eyes.

She’s made a mess out of things as she’s prone to do but maybe not everything is lost.

.

She spends spring break in the city, walking around Brooklyn with her Airpods on, hanging out at her mom’s office, or taking Kuma out for long walks along Central Park.

Taehyung’s in St. Bart’s with his dad and stepmom and Jisoo flew to San Francisco to see her brother so she mostly spends her days by herself, with Kuma, or with her mom, who asks her more than once why she isn’t spending her break with her friends.

It’s kind of sad.

She goes one night to The Campbell and drinks alone, then catches a cab to go to Veselka for some pierogi after. There, she hunkers down on her table, drunkenly watching the people around her. The stockbroker eating borscht after a very long day at the office. The group of drunk teenagers sharing grilled cheese sandwiches and meatballs. Two bandmates sweaty from a gig and chugging down pilsner with their waffles. The two girls holding hands on one table, a slice of cheesecake between them.

Jennie stops watching after that.

.

She calls Lisa on her birthday. The other girl doesn’t answer so she texts her instead.

_‘Happy birthday, Lisa. I hope you have a good one.’_

It’s dry and impersonal but Jennie figures Lisa wouldn’t want to be saddled with her bullshit on her birthday.

Lisa doesn’t reply and posts a picture of her and Jungkook in a yacht a few minutes later.

Jennie can’t help but think that Lisa is intentionally trying to spite her. 

Jennie can’t even blame her.

.

She expects Lisa and Jungkook to be back together when classes start again but that’s not what she gets.

They’re friendly again, but just that. No hand holding or arms thrown over shoulders or little kisses against their lockers or Lisa sitting on Jungkook’s lap during lunch. Just friendly. They don’t even spend much time together.

Jennie has no right to be but she is relieved.

What Jennie gets though is Lisa and Chaeyoung sitting together during class again. It’s still awkward of course, but they haven’t been in the same 20-meter radius within the past year without someone crying or saying something mean or hurtful, so it’s remarkable, welcome progress. Jennie is happy for them.

Lisa doesn’t come to the library for their usual study period together though. Not that Jennie actually expected (or deserved) her to.

Still, it stings.

She packs her things up when it’s clear that Lisa wouldn’t come. It’s weird and wrong to be sitting on their table without her.

She takes out the pack of gummy bears inside her bag and leaves it on top of the table.

.

She asks Kenneth to drive her to Philadelphia for her dad’s birthday. 

She didn’t text him beforehand, she wanted to surprise him since they’ve barely talked in months. She bought him cufflinks and a necktie from Barney’s as gifts but she’s not really expecting anything. Maybe just a few minutes in the car with him so they can talk.

She calls him once they’re in front of his house.

He answers after six rings. “Hello? Jennie?”

“Dad,” she says, her tongue a little awkward around the word. She’s never gotten used to saying it. “Happy birthday.”

“Thank you, Jennie,” her dad replies distantly. “Are you at school?”

“Um,” Jennie frowns, looking out the window of the car to see if she could make out her dad inside the house. “I’m actually outside your house.”

“What are you doing there?” he asks sharply. “Isn’t it a school day? Does your mother know you’re in Philly?”

“I... yeah, she knows,” she replies, shrinking at his tone. She sees Kenneth look at her with concern from the rear view mirror. “I brought you a gift.”

“You didn’t need to, Jennie,” her father sighs. “I’m actually out with Kristen and my parents for lunch. I’ll be flying straight to D.C. after so I don’t think I can see you.”

“Oh, that’s...” Jennie says, trying to keep the disappointment out of her voice but failing miserably. “I see. That’s fine. I guess I just wanted to see you. I haven’t seen you since December.”

(It was two days after Christmas. They exchanged gifts and had coffee and doughnuts near his office. He left after an hour).

“You know how things have been, Jennie. You shouldn’t have come without telling me,” he says, sounding tired. “Look, I have to get back. I’ll call you when I’m in New York so we can have dinner, okay?”

“Okay,” she answers. He always tells her that, but he never follows through. He never comes there anymore. “I’m sorry.”

“Bye, Jennie. Have a safe trip back.”

Jennie nods, blinking away the moisture in her eyes. She swallows the stubborn lump in her throat and squares her shoulders, just like her mom taught her. “Good bye.”

.

Almost one in the morning and she finds herself in front of the Manobans’ townhouse, high from the oxy she stole from her mom’s medicine cabinet and her head buzzing. She shouldn’t be here, she has no right to be, but she sneaked out of the house fully intending to go somewhere to drink and found herself asking the cab driver to take her here instead.

“Keep the meter running, please,” she tells the cab driver as she fishes her phone out of her bag, her hands shaking a little. She dials Lisa’s number. 

It doesn’t take too long for the other girl to pick up her phone. “Hello?” Lisa answers, voice rough from sleep. Jennie’s chest feels a little lighter. “Jennie?”

Jennie looks out to where she knows Lisa’s bedroom window is and rubs her sweaty palms on her jeans. She sees a faint blue light flicker on. Jennie knows it’s the lava lamp she gave Lisa a few months ago. “Hi.”

“It’s late. Why are you calling?”

“Because,” Jennie says, like a fucking idiot.

“Are you okay? You sound drunk or something,” Lisa asks, sounding concerned now. “You’re somewhere safe?”

Jennie looks again to Lisa’s window. She thinks she sees the curtain move. “Yeah, I am.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

The line goes silent for a while. 

“I’m sorry,” Jennie says like a fucking idiot. Again.

Lisa sighs. “Tell me again when you’re not drunk or high or whatever.”

Jennie grips her phone tighter. “Okay, I’m sorry.”

“Go home, Jennie.”

_‘Come down, then,’_ she wants to tell her.

“Good night, Lisa.”

“Good night, Jennie.” Lisa hangs up.

.

There are some nights when she can’t sleep.

Her thoughts are loud, always loud, and the silence and loneliness of the night make them even louder.

She paces the rooftop during those nights, wishing to be swallowed up by New York and to never be spat back out. She smokes until she feels lightheaded, until she feels like throwing up, until her hands are too numb to make unwanted phone calls to girls in townhouses. She sits on the ledge and breathes deeply, letting the city air mix with the smoke on her lungs.

She always wakes up with a splitting headache after those nights, grumpy during breakfast and ignoring her always-too-chipper-in-the-morning mother.

Everything is still loud.

.

Taeyong asks her out to junior prom.

And Momo, and this guy named William she has never interacted with, and Bora, who Jennie remembers Lisa telling her about from their shared photography class.

She says no to all of them.

“So you’re going stag?” Taehyung asks her one night. It’s a week before prom and they’re slouched in his basement couch, sharing a joint and some lukewarm beer. There’s some cold burritos and a half-eaten Hershey’s bar on the ottoman in front of them. An old episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog is playing on mute on the TV.

They’re both usually much classier than this.

“It’s all in vogue, didn’t you know that?” Jennie dismisses, taking a hit then blowing smoke up the bright yellow lights of the basement. She closes her eyes. At least the kush is always nice.

Taehyung clicks his tongue at Jennie’s answer and puts his foot up on the ottoman. It’s vintage and his stepmom spent almost fifteen grand on it during an auction. Jennie doesn’t care enough to tell him off. “Is this about Lisa? You should just ask her out.”

“She hates me,” Jennie scoffs, opening her eyes. Lisa hasn’t talked to her since the night Jennie called her, has barely even looked at her general direction. 

Jennie misses her.

She never does anything about it. 

“Because you’re a fucking ass,” Taehyung retorts, taking the almost-finished joint from her fingers. “Look, just apologize. Tell her you want to be with her.”

“I don’t,” she mutters, not even believing herself.

Taehyung sighs. “You can lie to her or to me but you can’t lie to yourself, Jennie,” he mumbles around the joint. He fancies himself a philosopher when he’s high and Jennie has always made fun of him for it, but maybe he’s right this time. 

“At least talk to her so you won’t be so... so fucking _sad._ It’s depressing, even for you.”

She kicks him on the thigh. “You’re annoying, you know that?”

“I’m just saying,” he shrugs. “I’d feel bad. Yoongi and I are going to be dancing all cute the whole night and getting laid after, and you’re just going to be...” he motions to her with his free hand stupidly and Jennie resists the urge to smack him. “_There._ Getting drunk off the spiked punch and watching Lisa dance with Kook or some other chump. It’s already making me sad.”

This time she doesn’t hold back. She takes an empty beer can from the ottoman and throws it at him. He’s right, it’s probably how the night is going to go, but did he have to say it? “Bitch.”

He laughs as he easily dodges the can and mercifully changes the subject, telling Jennie about him and Yoongi getting matching Gucci suits and the fancy hotel room he booked for them.

Jennie listens and teases him for being such a sap for his Brooklyn boyfriend, but fuck if she doesn't want that for her and Lisa too.

.

Her mom isn’t thrilled that she’s going without a date, she wanted some corny couple pictures to post on her Facebook, but she still makes Jennie pose on their staircase and takes an albums-worth amount of pictures with her phone. She gushes about how pretty Jennie is and how much she loves her Elie Saab dress and how _absolutely dumb_ the boys and girls in her school must be not to make her say yes to their prom invites.

She also slips a condom inside Jennie’s clutch _‘just in case,’_ which yeah, unnecessary. Where her mom got that condom, she never, _ever_ wants to know. Jennie throws it out of the limo and asks Kenneth for a hand sanitizer. 

.

Prom is... okay.

Jennie spends the first half of the night seated on her table and watching Lisa dance with her date, Mingyu. They look beautiful together, with their matching corsage and boutonniere, and it’s so annoying.

She gets up though because Taehyung and Jisoo have started looking at her with concern and she doesn't want to ruin the night for them. She spends the rest of prom dancing with random people - Taeyong, Momo, and Bora all get dances even if she said no to their prom invites. Mino and Jinwoo and her all dance together to Cold War Kids. She steals Taehyung and Jisoo from Yoongi and Irene to dance with them when a slew of Arctic Monkeys songs come on, and even humors Jongin with a slow dance to a Daniel Caesar song. She steps on his toes because he’s, like, almost a foot taller than her but he’s nice about it.

She’s slow dancing to some Death Cab with Taehyung (Yoongi is helping Jackson spike another punch bowl) when she sees Lisa looking at her over Mingyu’s shoulders.

They hold each other’s eyes for a while and it’s the closest thing they’ve had to an interaction in almost two months, save for that fluky phone call in the middle of the night, and Jennie just wants...

Jennie just wants to go over to her and take her away from Mingyu so they could get their dance too. 

She wants to be the one singing _‘I need you so much closer’_ in Lisa’s ears, she wants to apologize, wants to take everything back. She wants to be not scared anymore, she wants Lisa to hold her hand and tell her it’ll be alright and that she won’t make a mess out of everything again and even if she does, Lisa would still be there.

The song stops and changes into something more upbeat though and the moment is over. Taehyung drags her away to their table and Jennie turns back to see if Lisa is still looking at her but she’s not; she’s already by the punch bowl refilling her glass, Mingyu’s arms wrapped around her waist, laughing at something he whispers in her ear.

Jennie looks away and reaches for her own glass.

.

She promised Jackson she’ll come to his after-party but she’s honestly so tired and her heels are killing her. Taehyung and Yoongi have sneaked away half an hour earlier and Jisoo and Irene are getting ready to leave as well, so Jennie calls Kenneth and asks him to pick her up.

She’s just said goodbye to Jisoo and Irene and is waiting for Kenneth outside the venue when Lisa stumbles out, cheeks flushed and hair a little messier than it was earlier.

“Jennie!” she exclaims when she spots Jennie, cartoonishly delighted and obviously more than a little drunk. She makes her way to the older girl, walk impressively steady considering her heels and inebriation.

“Lis, hey,” Jennie says cautiously, catching Lisa by the arm when the other girl gets closer. “You’re drunk.”

Lisa smiles, her teeth showing. “You’re here.”

“I am,” Jennie confirms. She looks behind Lisa for any sign of Mingyu. “Where’s your date?”

Lisa shrugs. “He’s with his friends inside. He wants to go to Jack’s party but I’m so sleepy, Jennie.”

Jennie curses Mingyu under her breath and promises to give him a few choice words the next time she sees him. “Where’s Rosie?”

“Jungkook and her are fighting inside so I left them,” Lisa pouts. “They’re being dumb. If they want to be together, then they should be together. They don’t have to worry about me.”

Jennie sighs. Sometimes, Lisa is too selfless for her own good. “Come on, I’ll take you to them,” she says gently, squeezing Lisa’s arm. “They can take you home.”

Lisa pulls her arm away. “I don’t want to go back inside,” she whines. “I want to go home. I’ll take a cab.”

Jennie frowns. “No, you’re not,” she says sternly, shaking her head. “You’re not getting in a cab alone while you’re drunk. Kenneth’s on his way, we’re dropping you off.”

Lisa scoffs, crossing her arms. “You’re not the boss of me, Jennie Ruby Jane Kim.”

The limo pulls up in front of them before Jennie has the chance to respond and Kenneth hurriedly gets out, opening the door for them.

“Are we dropping off Miss Manoban, ma’am? Or is she joining you in the penthouse?” Kenneth asks.

“No, I’m taking a cab, Kenneth,” Lisa answers for her. “Thanks, though.”

Jennie rolls her eyes and pulls Lisa towards the car impatiently. “Ignore her, she’s had too much to drink. We’re dropping her off, Kenneth.”

Kenneth looks at them, eyes shining with amusement. “Yes, ma’am.”

“You’re so irritating,” Lisa whines again, even as she lets Jennie lead her inside the car. 

Jennie can’t help but smile. “Yeah, well. Suck it up, you big baby.”

.

Lisa leans her forehead on her shoulders as Kenneth drives, her hot breath tickling Jennie’s arms. “Remember when you fucked me in this limo?” Lisa asks suddenly.

Jennie almost chokes on her own spit and turns towards the other girl. “Jesus, Lisa.”

Lisa raises her head, frowning at her. “What? You did. Do you want to do it again? Should we ask Kenneth to roll up the partition?”

Jennie blushes and glances at Kenneth, who looks completely unruffled, his eyes straight on the road. “Stop, Lisa.”

Lisa just laughs, resting her forehead on Jennie’s shoulder again. “I hate you, you know that,” she mumbles, taking Jennie’s hand and enclosing it with her own. “So much, Jennie.”

Jennie looks down, watching their fingers tangle, slotting together perfectly. “I know, Lisa,” she replies, then kisses the top of the younger girl’s head. “I know.”

.

“Should I wait outside, ma’am?” Kenneth asks once he opens the car door for them.

“Yes, I’m just going to make sure she gets to bed okay,” Jennie answers absently as she helps Lisa get out of the car.

“Do you need any help getting her inside?”

Jennie looks at Lisa. She looks sleepy but she’s not unconscious yet. “No, we’ll be fine. Thanks, Kenneth.”

Kenneth nods and Jennie reaches for Lisa’s clutch, taking out her house keys. 

They get inside without any issue, but once there, Lisa disentangles herself from Jennie and goes straight to the kitchen, mumbling something about being thirsty. “I’ll get you some water, just go to bed. I’ll take a glass up to you,” Jennie calls out, but Lisa ignores her. She sighs and follows the other girl to the already-dark kitchen.

Lisa is already rummaging through the fridge when Jennie gets there, taking out a pitcher of water and drinking straight from it, not even bothering to close the refrigerator door.

“You weren’t raised by wolves, Lisa. At least use a glass,” Jennie chastises her, turning around to turn the kitchen light on and get a glass from the cupboard for Lisa. Before she could reach for the switch though, she feels cold hands on her waist turning her back around.

Lisa is staring at her with an unreadable expression in her eyes, her face only illuminated by the light from the fridge.

“Dance with me,” she says.

Jennie’s breath quickens. “What?”

“We didn’t get to dance earlier. But it’s still prom, technically. So,” Lisa says, circling her arms around Jennie’s waist. “Dance with me. I want a prom dance with you.”

Jennie smiles, feeling stupid as her heart tries to beat out of her ribcage. It’s silly, what Lisa’s asking her. 

She loves it. She wants to kiss her.

“We don’t have music.”

Lisa shrugs. “I’ll play something, don’t worry.”

Jennie places a hand against Lisa’s chest, feeling her steady heartbeat. “Okay.”

Lisa smiles and reaches for her phone, playing one of the songs from Jennie’s playlist during their trip to Queensbury.

Lisa starts swaying them together and Jennie closes her eyes at the song and at the feeling of Lisa’s body, warm against her. She pulls the other girl closer, their heads resting against each other.

“You look beautiful tonight,” Lisa tells her.

Jennie kisses her jaw lightly. It’s all she allows herself. “You do, too.” 

_‘You’ve had a long list of lovers but none of them matter to you except me,’_ Lisa sings along and presses a kiss on her exposed shoulders, mumbling the lyrics into her skin. _‘I’ve had a long list of lovers but none of them matter to me except you.’_

Jennie tries not to cry.

.

They lie on Lisa’s bed after, staring at each other but not touching.

“What are you so scared of?” Lisa asks. She blinks slowly, obviously on the brink of sleep, and Jennie watches the gentle flutter of her eyelashes. It looks like every dream she’s had for the past month.

“You,” Jennie answers honestly. 

_You because you’re too good; you because you see me like no one else does; you because I have never wanted and needed someone this much and it’s terrifying; you because I have no idea what I’m doing, all I know is that I’m hurting you; you because you’re all I think about._

_You, you, you, always you._

“I am not going to hurt you.”

“I am,” Jennie answers reaching for Lisa’s hand. “I did.” She kisses her apologies on Lisa’s wrist, one, two, three.

Lisa makes her want to be better.

“It’ll be okay,” Lisa promises. “We’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

Lisa makes her want to believe. 

“Go to sleep, Lisa.”

Lisa makes her want to stay.

“Okay.” Lisa closes her eyes, letting out an exhausted sigh. “Good night, Jennie.”

And then, “I love you,” said so softly that Jennie would’ve thought she imagined it if she didn’t see Lisa’s lips move.

Something within Jennie quiets down.

She stares at Lisa for what seems like hours - she wants to shake her awake, wants to ask if Lisa means it.

(Of course Lisa does: she always means what she says, always says what she means. It’s one of the things Jennie loves about her.

_Loves_).

And then.

She leaves.

.

“Were you ever in love with him?” Jennie asks her mom one night. “With my dad, I mean.”

Soojin Kim looks up from where she’s slicing shiitake mushrooms for the stew she’s preparing for dinner and regards her daughter. Jennie smiles a little. The sight of her mother in an expensive work suit and a bright green apron over it is one that never fails to amuse her. Her mother insists on making dinner for them at least once or twice a week, and although she overcooks the noodles and rice sometimes, Jennie appreciates the effort.

“What do you mean?”

Jennie comes closer to the counter and reaches for a slice of soy-marinated egg. Her mom swats her hand away half-heartedly and tuts. Jennie chuckles, popping the egg into her mouth.

“I mean, were you ever in love with him? Did you ever love him?” she asks again after finishing the egg.

Her mother puts the knife down and looks at her in concern. “What brought this on Jennie? Is anyone bothering you again? Did something happen with your dad again?”

“No, I just...” Jennie frowns. “I was just wondering. You’ve never really told me and I’ve never really asked.”

Soojin sighs. “Of course I was in love with him, Jennie,” she replies, sounding wistful. Something about it makes Jennie’s heart ache. “We were together for almost three years, even if I knew he had a wife. I wouldn’t have made a fool out of myself for that long if I wasn’t.”

“Did he love you?”

Her mother smiles sadly. “Not enough to make him stay and leave his wife for me, honey.”

Jennie swallows the sudden lump in her throat and looks at her platform-clad feet. “Oh.”

And then, “Was it because of me? Did he leave you because you got pregnant with me?”

“He left because his conscience was eating him alive and because his ambitions were far, far greater than the two of us,” her mother answers. “I’ve learned not to begrudge him for that.”

“Do you regret it? Being with him?”

“I could never regret something that brought me you, Jennie,” her mother says, pulling Jennie’s chin up to make the younger girl look her in the eyes. “Always remember that, okay?”

Jennie sniffles. “He never wanted me.”

“But I will always want you,” her mother insists fiercely. “You’re my daughter. I’ve wanted you since that first pregnancy test, since that first time I heard your heartbeat, since that first time I held you. I know it’s not much, and I know it’s not enough but - ”

“It is,” Jennie cuts her off. “It’s enough, mom. It’s enough.”

Her mother smiles, kissing her forehead. “Go change for dinner now, honey.”

.

She finds a pack of sour spaghettinis on her locker on the last day of school as she’s about to clear her stuff out.

She turns around, looking for Lisa.

She doesn’t find her.

.

Jennie finds her on the beach, sitting on the sand with her arms wrapped around her knees. It’s the Fourth of July and most of the Upper East Side are at the Hamptons for the Kwons’ annual White Party. 

“Thought I’d find you here,” Jennie calls out. Lisa doesn’t turn around. Jennie sits beside her, their thighs touching.

“Why are you here?” Lisa mumbles, still not looking at her.

“Because,” Jennie starts.

Lisa scoffs before she can say anything else. “Not this shit again, J.”

Jennie sighs, digging her heels deeper into the sand. “I’ve come to apologize.”

Lisa looks at her this time. “For what? For leaving the night of prom after I told you I love you?”

“Yes,” Jennie replies. “And for everything else.”

Lisa shakes her head. “I told you I love you and you just...”

She bumps her and Lisa’s feet together and takes a deep breath. She hears their friends in front of the bonfire, getting ready to set out some sparklers and watch the fireworks show, but she only has eyes for Lisa.

“I love you too.”

She marvels at how right it feels, at how much her voice doesn’t shake. It’s the first time she’s said those words to anyone, in that context.

Lisa’s eyes widen as Jennie’s words sink in. “You what?”

“I love you too. I’m sorry for not saying it back that night and for leaving,” Jennie says. “I was scared and I still keep thinking you deserve better than me and - ”

Lisa reaches for her, cutting her off with a quick kiss. “You don’t get to tell me what I deserve, okay? _I_ get to decide that. I want you,” she says, resting their foreheads together. “And I’m scared too, Jennie. But we can figure it out. We can be scared together.”

She reaches for Lisa’s hand and squeezes it three times. The fireworks are already starting. Everything is loud again but as Lisa pulls Jennie against her, she can’t help but think it’s the most peace she’s had since she can’t even remember when.

They have a lot of work to do. 

This is a start.

Maybe, just maybe, they’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> i know it's messy, i didn't proofread that much, but thank you so much for reading and lemme know what you think.
> 
> [ALSO STREAM D4 NOW LET'S GET THAT BILLION](https://youtu.be/IHNzOHi8sJs)
> 
> p.s. i know i have a multi-chap fic going on and i am not abandoning that im just really freaking swamped right now. i wanted to update cards but this one-shot has been sitting in my drafts for months so i took pity on it and chose to finish it instead. i hope y'all understand lol.
> 
> p.s.s. raise ur hand if you got the blatant taylor swift references i put somewhere in there. stream lover on august 23!!!
> 
> p.s.s.s i have a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1AAeQjDZcgd1JkQ1zzG9zR) for this one-shot, if ur interested lol


End file.
